Chicken Little in a Suit: The Gospel of Panic That Won the Nation
Mark Carney didn’t campaign—he hyperventilated. Canada’s most polished fear campaign wasn’t about leadership. It was about inducing just enough national dread to make surrender feel like safety.
Essays are always free for the first 24 hours. After that, subscriptions are now $3 a month, half price.
You’re here, poking around for wisdom, wit, or maybe just procrastinating with flair. That’s fine. But let’s not pretend this is some philanthropic stroll through the free market of ideas. You’ve paid more for lukewarm oat milk foam at a chain that spells your name wrong.
This Substack brews stronger stuff—bold, bitter, and with no syrupy aftertaste of consensus. It’s sharp, caffeinated contrarianism for the cost of your daily dopamine drip. Everyone says, “It’s just the price of a cup of coffee.” Well, true—maybe. So as you shuffle up to the Substack counter, eyes glazed with curiosity, go ahead and order mine.
Oh, just to let you know. The government pays fifty per cent of journalism wages in Canada, but zip for Freedomtoffend.com. Everything is from subscriptions.
______________________-
Mark Carney didn’t walk into Canadian politics like a seasoned stable pony—he thundered in like a thoroughbred bounding toward the gates at Belmont, unnecessarily alarmed, and towering over a field that included a horse already saddled and 90 per cent favoured.
When Carney entered the race, Pierre Poilievre was a lock—polls showed he commanded nearly 90 percent of the public’s favour to win the next election, galloping ahead as if the barn had already closed.
But Carney unleashed a fear machine, calling Trump’s tariffs the economic equivalent of a train wreck and declaring, “President Trump wants to break us so America can own us,” a sentence meant to spook the electorate into believing they were seconds away from annexation.
As Politico dryly observed—like a footman announcing the guillotine’s schedule—Poilievre was “poised to be the next PM” until U.S. trade sabre-rattling tossed a wrench into the machinery and tilted the polls back toward the trembling embrace of Liberal technocracy.
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Freedom to Offend to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.