The Double Standard Device: Jew Box™

Introducing the Jew Box™, your personal assistant in moral relativism and campus-approved hate. Now it comes in five exciting colours, all pastels.

If the idea of free speech still stirs anything other than a bureaucratic yawn in your spine, then subscribe, not for pity, but for principle. I’m not a couchbound pundit barking into the algorithm—I’m a professor, suspended and gagged by the sort of people who think disagreement is violence and truth is a hate crime. Click the link before some sanctimonious committee of legal eunuchs finds a way to neuter it.

Please subscribe to get at least three uncensored, impolite, fire-in-the-belly essays per week. Open comments, $6/month. Less than \ USD 4. Everyone says, “That’s just a cup of coffee.”

Okay, buy my coffee. If you like Coffee Mate, add USD 5 to the subscription; that stuff is a gastronomical war crime.

Introducing the Jew Box™: AI-Powered Perfection in Double Standards Management

Straight from the elite design labs of the Qatari Institute of Technology comes the Jew Box™ (JB)—a breakthrough in artificial hypocrisy. Sleek, rechargeable, and unburdened by consistency, the Jew Box™ is a must-have for students, activists, and administrators who want to keep up with the very latest in selective outrage.

“It’s not just about double standards,” says Prof. Melanie Spenzviz, in her trademark tone of bureaucratic oblivion. “It’s about inconsistency as a moral position.” And with the Jew Box™, finally, you can navigate Jew-related discourse with seamless contradictions, circular logic, and undisguised malice, all wrapped in soft ethical cotton wool.

To demonstrate the JB’s intellectual gymnastics, here are a few transcripts from an actual Q&A. The identity of the tester has been concealed for their safety (and dignity).