Festivus for the Adults We Cannot Find

At Frank Costanza’s Festivus table, Trump, Carney, Starmer, the Ayatollah, Putin, and Xi confront the one object incapable of flattery: the aluminium pole.

For readers too young — or too well adjusted — to remember, Festivus was a holiday invented by Seinfeld’s Frank Costanza after a Christmas-season nervous collapse in a department store.

Frank responded the only way he knew how: He abolished the performance. No tree. No ornaments. No manufactured warmth. Just an aluminium pole. Frank trusted metal. Metal …