For readers too young — or too well adjusted — to remember, Festivus was a holiday invented by Seinfeld’s Frank Costanza after a Christmas-season nervous collapse in a department store.
Frank responded the only way he knew how: He abolished the performance. No tree. No ornaments. No manufactured warmth. Just an aluminium pole. Frank trusted metal. Metal didn’t pretend.
“Sit down,” he said.
Everyone did.
There was a knock at the door just as the plates were being set.
Frank opened it halfway.
Justin Trudeau stood there holding a small teddy bear. Beside him, Minneapolis mayor Jacob Frey looked emotionally winded, as though he had recently sprinted uphill carrying a feeling.
“You’re late,” Frank said.
“There was a broadcast,” Trudeau explained softly. “A Somali folk singer. Very moving.”
“We felt it was important to honor the moment,” Frey added.
Frank checked the clock. Festivus had begun.
